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Emotional Well-Being

Today many people devote themselves to staying physically healthy.  However, when it comes to their most important organ, the mind, often little is done to promote emotional health.  

Below are some tips which I have found of great value  for both my clients and myself.

THOUGHTS

Does it ever seem that your mind has a life of its own?  Does it run and jump from this and that, often brooding about the past or worrying about the future?  You are not alone.  For most people, this is what they have come to experience as normal.  Yet a calmer and more focused mind is possible, permitting you to live more in the present.  

All too often we get captured by thought habits which are very inaccurate and unrealistic ; yet they may have been with  us for so long that we take them as absolute truth.  Since our thoughts typically determine our feelings, this results in unnecessary guilt, shame, anxiety and depression.  

To begin to change this, try what I call the Rule of 85.  Whenever you spot a brooding, worrying or negative thought pattern, ask yourself if you could enter a room of 100 intelligent people and convince 85 of them that what your are thinking is accurate and realistic.  Learn to make a habit of talking back to these kinds of thoughts.  You will find that your distress goes down, you are less stuck in your head, and  are more available to the present moment, where true living exists.

Realistic thinking is one key to emotional balance; not over-thinking is another.  Being in the moment is facilitated by experiencing the world directly  rather than through a constant  stream of thoughts.  There are techniques known as mindfulness training which I have practiced for many years.  When appropriate, I introduce them to clients during their psychotherapy.

FEELINGS

We are designed to seek pleasure and avoid pain, yet we all know that pain is a part of life.   Pain comes in many degrees, from the agony of losing a loved one to the   disappointment of not getting something we desire. Often we try to avoid the pain by denial, distraction, blaming or numbing with addictive behavior.  These forms of resistance prolong our suffering.  They arise from the belief that the pain is more than we can bear or that this event should not have happened to us.

It is essential to develop confidence, slowly through practice and with courage, that we can open to difficult emotions rather than flee from them.  When we do so, we can observe how our distress diminishes over time like waves following a storm. For those who have spent much of their life distancing  from feelings,  psychotherapy can be of great benefit.

ACTIONS

Clients often speak to me about low self-esteem, as if it’s a fixed quantity within them. Yet self-esteem,  which is a combination of self-respect and self-fulfillment, is created by our actions.  If  we protect ourselves from mistreatment, if we do not shrink from challenges, if we offer kindness and compassion to others (and ourselves!) our self-esteem grows.  Everyone has doubts and insecurities.  Courage is not the absence of fear, but not letting fears stop you from reaching for what matters to you.  

BALANCE/HARMONY

In the very demanding world in which we live, it is easy for our lives to become unbalanced. We are saturated with messages telling us what  to be, what to desire, how to compare ourselves with others and what the good life is.   It is vital to be the author of your own life.  Make decisions and choices based on your values and try to disengage from  all the background noise.

It can also help to take a day, or half-day, once every week or two to enjoy the simple pleasures of life.  Put aside the to do list, e-mails and bill paying, and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.  Take time to think of the things you are grateful for and  to appreciate the beauty of our world.

I hope you find these suggestions beneficial.